Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Nothing Like It

It is exhausting to be needed so much. Kian is in a phase right now where he wants me and only me (or Daddy, but no one other than us) all the time. He wants me to hold him, to play with him, to nurse him outside of our regular schedule, to neverleavehimforevenasecondeventopee I've read and heard all about separation anxiety, but until now he hasn't experienced it. It is intense to say the least. I hope it is short-lived. I love him more than anything in the world, no lie, but I'm still a very independent person, and it's overwhelming to be needed so much. On the other hand, though, he's changing so much and so quickly these days that if he wasn't so clingy I'd miss a lot of it!

He's really becoming much more aware of his environment. Loud, sudden noises startle him now, whereas before he'd hardly flinch at the sound of the dryer's all-done-buzz. Now his little eyes shoot wide open, his body jumps, and he works his short little legs and arms as fast as he can to get to me, anxiously grunting the whole way. I pick him up and soothe him. I show him what made the noise. I explain it as simply as I can, imitating the noise so he knows it is okay.

His pure, unadulterated fear and ignorance make my heart feel as though it's shattered and sprayed all over  the floor at his feet.

There is nothing like this love.

1 comment:

  1. As well, he has a fine sense of finding every little speck on my carpet, examining it, and then deciding if it is mouth worthy...he is an exceptional child, and I am a very proud great aunt...